Thankfully, many parents these days are aware that cyberbullying is an issue their children will likely face when they’re online. But do they really have a sense how just wild and rabid cyber space can be? The internet provides a sense of anonymity for cyber bullies and this ability to hide unleashes the worst aspects of human behaviour.
The problems are typified by a social network site called Ask.fm. Apparently, it has about 65 million users in Europe, half under the age of 18, and is nominally a site where youngsters can get answers to questions. However, it’s also a platform for a stream of destructive and vindictive bile.
To date, nine teenagers connected to the site have committed suicide. This is shocking but not unusual. In fact, it’s become almost commonplace. While we’re not suggesting every child that is cyber bullied will go on to self destruct these figures do illustrate the tremendous damage that can be and is done.
Cyberbullying – how far will cyberbullies go?
Cyberbullies will go to extreme lengths to intimidate their victims, largely in an uninhibited fashion. And victims can’t simply log off. The bully simply carries on the abuse among their victim’s friends. They make children do inappropriate things and children who want to be accepted willingly take part, though they’re rarely accepted.
Cyberbullies will also hook up with young teens and corrupt them into doing things such as taking indecent pictures. They then blackmail them, which is one of the most common routes to suicide. Even at the apparent least damaging end of the scale children who are cyber bullied lose their self esteem, gradually becoming withdrawn, introverted and shy.
Cyberbullying causes damage
Jackie Castellano, a psychotherapist with a deep understanding of the impact of abusive behaviour on growing children, says bluntly it can destroy a child: “If bullying is sustained the victim becomes less and less capable of functioning as a healthy child”
She points out that many children attempt to deal with the effects of bullying by internalising it. This means they attack themselves either by being constantly critical of themselves or in some cases self harming. “Its effects can come out sideways. Children can become very timid or even identify with the bully and as a result become aggressive and attack other children,” she says.
Hidden damage
It’s sometimes difficult to see the hidden damage, such as the constantly critical internal voice or the potential to become abusive. If the bullying is sustained it also becomes normalised, so as the child grows bullying becomes acceptable.
Castellano adds: “Some people say bullying is part of growing up. Perhaps it is but it’s certainly not acceptable. Its psychological effects can be tremendously damaging on a growing child and lead to adults who abuse and self harm or simply fold in on themselves, unable to function to their true potential.
“Children naturally adopt the traits, characteristics and mannerisms of those around them and unconsciously fuse them into their own nature. If they encounter people who are loving, kind and resilient they will take those qualities and incorporate them. If they are bullied they can adopt those characteristics,” she adds.
Summary
While the Internet offers myriad opportunities for children to explore, learn and develop, it does have a deep dark side, typified by cyber bullying. In fact, the entire Internet can be likened to a global playground for cyber bullies, and each day that passes thousands of new examples are thrown up.
Most cyber bullies don’t set out to destroy children and young teens but they do, and even at the least destructive end of the scale undermining, belittling and demeaning is simply a step too far. On a young developing psyche it can create emotional and psychological problems that reverberate long into adult life.
